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Non-heterosexuality, gender queerness and autism, oh my! 

Last week I brought up the term ‘autigender’ and used this definition: “when a person perceives that their experience of gender is influenced by their autism”. When I first saw the term, it got put into my mental box of all the really specific neogenders that I don’t understand (but won’t bully anyone for). But now I understand the reasoning behind it a bit more.  

I like the wording used on the LGBTA wiki: “Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather describes an experience of gender that is so heavily influenced by being autistic that one's autistic identity and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked” 

From my understanding you can think of it like an autistic person’s difficulty interpreting social norms, just extended to gender (which is a social construct). 

I know that not many people are aware of this, but it is something to note. In my experience, a lot of people who are autistic are also queer. And in general, I’d assume that if you’re reading this, hopefully you know that autistic people are still people, and anyone can be queer. 

But if you know of any canonically autistic characters in media, or at the very least autistic coded characters, they all follow strict stereotypes. 

Eternal Child Bias

This awesome article by John Strang describes that how in the media that does have autistic individuals, typically they are straight, cis and (usually) naïve. He also uses the term ‘eternal child’ bias. Which I’d never heard before, but it just sums up the issue so deliciously. 

I also brought up the focus on the parents of autistic children rather than the children themselves in my previous article. But Strang’s wording is stronger (and more concise at least). It brings to mind the problem of infantilizing that many autistics and autistic characters in media are victim to.  

Sidebar: I did not expect people to complain about my Abed Nadir videos and claim that I’m infantilizing him for being autistic. Using terms of endearment for a character doesn’t mean you actually think they are a baby. I use the same terms of endearment for allistic characters I like as well as the autistic ones. Ugh. 

While doing research, I found Samuel Sanabria’s blog. He’s professor of clinical mental health counseling, has a Ph.D., and is a licensed sex therapist. The article I found of his is about his thoughts on the documentary Dina on Hulu. 

He wrote that he was “aware of a presenting [an] issue in the film that does not receive nearly enough attention in society: sexual identity and desire of individuals with autism. This issue is especially relevant given society’s “eternal child” bias – aversion to seeing individuals with autism as adults with sexuality who are capable of self-determination.” 

This reminds me at least about the argument that children aren’t old enough to figure out their sexuality/romantic attraction as anything other than cishet. Because they’re too ‘naïve’ or something. 

So, the stereotype is that autistic people are heterosexual but aren’t romantic in any way (I would use the term aroace, but the people who perpetuate the stereotype probably don’t know what that means or don’t use it respectfully). This is just not true.  

Queerness and autism

Although I haven’t met any other autistic queer people in real life, I’ve definitely seen autistic queer people online. Of the users that I observe and interact with, the Venn diagram of Tumblr users who are queer and Tumblr users who are autistic is a circle.  

I know that there are probably more just queer people on Tumblr than autistic and queer people, but basically all of the autistic people on Tumblr are queer. And guess what? There’s actual, science-y research on the prevalence of queer autistics. Not a lot, but it’s there! 

A study by R George and M A Stokes found that very nearly 70% of the autistic people they surveyed identified as non-heterosexual. 70 percent! And a study by Strang and others found that autistic participants were 7.59 times more likely to express gender variance (wishing to be a different gender) than neurotypical participants. 

Transness and autism 

This was a bit of a surprise to me, but wasn’t completely out of the realm of believability for me. I learned that, apparently, “so much of the experience of being trans can look like the spectrum experience,” according to Katherine Rachlin in an article by Deborah Rudacille for Spectrum. 

Rudacille goes on to say: “People who don’t want to socialize in their birth genders may seem to have poor social skills, for example; they may also feel so uncomfortable with their bodies that they neglect their appearance.” 

She also quotes a study that found that “between 8 and 10 percent of children and adolescents seen at gender clinics around the world meet the diagnostic criteria for autism”. 

This is just so bizarre to me! I didn’t know that transness, or at the very least, gender queerness was so similar to being autistic. I guess I fell back to the cishet stereotype of autistics subconsciously.  

Unfortunately for those who are diagnosed as autistic and then realize that they are trans, they can face an uphill battle. Bryony White wrote in an article for the Atlantic that some medical professionals are blocking autistic people from transitioning, claiming that their need to transition stems from their autism. 

Strang mirrors this position, writing: “Several of autism’s features, such as social-communication differences and focusing intently on specific topics, can cause parents and family members to doubt their child’s feelings about sexual orientation or identity” 

Sidebar: Several of the research papers and other articles I was looking through referred to ‘obsessions’ that autistic people have. I’ve never heard of it being called an ‘obsession’ before. I was first aware of the term ‘special interest’ in autistic circles. Recently I’ve been hearing ‘hyperfixation’ in neurodivergent spaces. I appreciate that hyperfixation has a different connotation (to me at least), where it’s still an intense focus on something but the duration of the focus isn’t important. Special Interests feel like they should refer to a longer duration. But ‘obsession’ just doesn’t sit right with me.  

The Atlantic article elaborates on the death of Kayden Clarke, a trans autistic man who was killed by police on a suicide call in 2016. In a statement by the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, “Kayden had encountered numerous roadblocks to transition, including the failure of multiple mental health professionals to respect either his gender identity or his Autistic identity,” and most shockingly, that his “therapist told him that she would not approve his starting on hormones until after his autism spectrum disorder – which she referred to as a ‘disease’ – was ‘cured.’” 

I don’t know anything about any challenges in the other direction—that trans people face while trying to get an autism diagnosis, other than the usual difficulties securing one. 

Why is there a correlation between transness and autism?

So we know that there is a link between transness and autism, and this can cause problems accessing resources and medical support. But nobody knows why. There are several hypotheses to provide an answer.  

In a 2016 study, researchers speculated that differences in the androgyn hormone levels while the fetal brain is growing affects both gender development and autism.  

White reasons “that children with autism are often considered less inhibited by social maxims, including ways different genders are supposed to stereotypically behave.” An article from neuroclastic.org words the situation as autistic people “being less brainwashed by society into following heteronormative stereotypes.” 

My thoughts on autistic identity and person-first language

As amusing as that last sentence is, I feel like it brings us back to what I started the article with. That an autistic person’s perception of their gender can be so linked into their autistic identity that it’s impossible to pull the two apart. As Robyn Steward wrote: “gender is a key part of one’s identity, just as autism is. 

This brings to mind an example that my professor shared in my Inclusive Design class. She asked if anyone knew what person-first language was. I raised my hand (don’t think anyone else did, I wasn’t paying attention). 

I shared a memory I had, that in 7th grade I was writing something about autism for an assignment and the teacher was upset that I kept using the term ‘autistic’ and vehemently told me to use person-first language and say, ‘person with autism’.  

I thought this was stupid. I made sure to share this with the class as I was retelling this story, how my teacher told me, an autistic person, to use person first language, to not offend autistic people. Or, ‘people with autism’ as she said it.  

I’ve never liked the person first language approach to identifying myself as an autistic. But my professor managed to capture the feeling as to why that is really well. She explained to the class that being autistic is an ingrained part of my identity. If you were to take away me being autistic, it would completely change how I view and interact with the world. 

Saying that I’m a ‘person with autism’ brings to mind the imagery that I’m pulling along a wagon with autism in it. Which doesn’t feel right, because if I lost the wagon, I would be the same as an allistic person. Which I’m not. I’m different, not less.  

Back to suppositions (or speculations, but suppositions is a funnier word)

Just as being autistic is an irremovable part of my identity, my experience of gender is too. And all queer autistics too. The Neuroclastic article ponders if there’s “really more gay/trans/queer/ace autistic people, or do they just figure it out/come out of the closet more readily than non-autistic people?” 

My reasoning is that autistic people already find the majority of social conventions confusing and that adding the social convention of being cishet is just one more thing that neurotypical people just seem to automatically understand. Autistic people are very good at questioning the why behind many neurotypical social norms. 

An extra peek into my mind

Just want to say sorry that this article is all over the place, and I certainly feel like it isn’t as strong as the one last week. My schoolwork routine is all out of whack after working over the weekend, and everything is going to shit (T-T). 

I was originally going to write a lot more about myself and my experience being a queer autistic, but that draft of the article was horrible. So this is what you’re getting.