Hello everybody. I thought I’d share about this past week just for fun. It’s going to be a novel.

So last week I worked from home Monday because I thought I was going to drive my mom to a retina eye appointment at like 2:30, but she wasn’t feeling well so she ended up cancelling but she didn’t tell me until I asked what time we needed to leave at 2:15. Fine, whatever.

On Tuesday I worked from home because I had an eye appointment at the regular optician and I was getting dilated there so my mom drove me. Then I was just chilling in my room, I can’t really remember what I was doing. But it was getting closer to 6pm, and that’s when the Junto is. I’ve gone sort of about every other week and I had been mentally preparing myself thinking about games that I could bring. I have like an original version of Risk with the wooden pieces (even though I’ve never played Risk, I just found it at Goodwill).

But it was getting closer to time to leave and I just couldn’t decide to go. So I head downstairs then and sit in the living room with my parents watching something. My mom then says that she has salisbury steak in the microwave and that I’m making mashed potatoes and corn. And this was like right after I sat down too. I suddenly felt stuck.

I sat there for a bit, and then I got up. I had never made the mashed potatoes before but I couldn’t say anything like “I need help” or “I feel stuck,” so I slowly got the pots and pans out. I didn’t know how much to make so I asked them how much I’m making and my dad said to bring the box over so he could point it out. I think I must have sounded sad because my mom asked me what was wrong, but I couldn’t say anything.

I ended up crying a bit as I made the potatoes and the corn, and then I took the salisbury steak out of the microwave and said “the food is ready.” Then when they came into the kitchen my mom was asking me what was wrong again and I just said “i don’t know, I feel sad.” and then I said that i was going to go to the Junto but then I decided not to and then I come downstairs and get told to make stuff right away and then I felt stuck.

As I was eating I checked my phone and apparently I was 12 days late. Bruh. So then Wednesday I decide I’m working from home because now I just feel apathetic and feel next to nothing at all. I’m quiet in the moring when I’m next door with Gramma and my mom, and then when my grandparents and I go out to breakfast (they go out for breakfast on Wednesdays) I am quiet, and I guess I looked strange because they asked me what was going on and I said “I’m sad.” I think Grampa said that I looked lost in thought.

We finished breakfast, then we went to Walgreens on the way home to get some prescriptions for Gramma, and I asked for a coffee (something blended) because it was right next to the Walgreens. Then I asked if we could do a little bit of a drive, because me and Gramma like going for drives but I only wanted a little bit of a drive. So we went for a short drive and I think I felt a bit better. I still did next to nothing for the rest of the day, even though I had been meaning to draw and do my laundry and do the dishes and clean off the top of my desk.

On Thursday I gave up all pretenses of working and just said I’m not in today (I normally work from home on Thursdays). It made me feel a bit better in the morning at least. I got my grandpa to get me some McDonalds, and then I sat in bed all day again. I did do some drawing on my tablet in bed, but then it was time for my eye appointment. I got another round of injections in both eyes. There were a lot of people there, I don’t know how their scheduling works but there are usually a lot of people there at the same time always and it always gets worse in the afternoon.

There are two waiting rooms, the main one in the front and then the dilation room inside. They were both like busting at the seams. I don’t mind it all that much, I just wait patiently for my turn, just listening to the radio (but I was talking with Gramma this time because she wanted to come with) and I don’t look at my phone at all.

I don’t think much of the long waiting other than it’s just waiting, but I can’t stand overhearing the old folks who just bitch about the wait times. It’s like almost everybody bitches about it. A normal appointment length for me is about an hour, where I show up on time, wait a few minutes to do the sight test and get pressure taken, then wait in the dilation room for a bit, then get called to take pictures, then wait a bit, then go in to get prepared for shots, then get shots, then leave.

This appointment took about an hour and a half, and this group of three (???) people were in there complaining that they’ve been in there for two hours. I don’t know what they were doing, the dad I think was the actual patient (old guy) and the daughter (middle age woman) had driven them, and then I think the wife was there (old lady). Maybe the wife was getting treatment also and that’s why it was taking so long? Is the husband unable to listen to what doctor has to say and that’s why the wife is there? I don’t know, but there isn’t even room in the tiny exam rooms to fit an extra person in addition to the exam chair, so I don’t know how they did it.

But other people bitch too. I don’t know why they need to bitch aloud and then want me to agree with them. I am happy that the doctor can give me drugs to stabilize my vision and improve it, aren’t you? And it’s always the real older folks who bitch too.

Everyone there is at least middle aged because it’s a retina specialist and I assume most of us are there for macular degeneration and it’s usually age related. (I have choroidal neovascularization which has symptoms similar to wet AMD). It’s not like they have to get back to work. This one guy this one time apparently missed his medication because he missed the round at his nursing home because he was still waiting at the appointment.

So I get my injections (with the different antiseptic again so I actually am functional afterwards) and my eyes are only a little sore. I ask to get some ice cream on the way home because I want something. My tummy also kind of hurt. I asked for a large sundae, plain. Because I don’t like the sauce shit that you can get on top, I wanted Ice Milk from Dairy Queen because that’s what I had a taste for. (I am from and still am in Wisconsin, so we take our ice cream and frozen custard seriously). And I asked for the no topping and Grampa said “I like you, you’re weird” and that made me happy.

I got home and I was suddenly tired so I laid down in my clothes still, put on a background noise video and closed my eyes because me and my mom were going to a family friend’s birthday dinner at this Serbian restaurant. We had looked at the menu previously and I thought I would maybe eat the Burek and the Chicken Dumpling soup. We got there and it was a room maybe 24ft by 18ft (I actually have no idea how big it was but it was one room and it was not large) crammed full of tables, and everyone was talking at full volume all in the restaurant, and I didn’t know anybody. And we were waiting forever for everybody to show up. And I could tolerate the people and the noise for a while, but the smell was starting to make my nose stuffy. I tried this butter on rye and it tasted funky, later I learned it was goat cream cheese in goat butter. The birthday girl loved it, was licking the plates of it clean, dunking bread pieces in the butter.

I got the chicken dumpling after a bit and it smelled like the rest of the restaurant, and it tastes like it too. It was one big lump of something in some broth and a bunch of little green leaves. The texture was gross and it didn’t taste good, it just tasted how it smelled, and I had to stop eating it because I thought I might throw up. I was just sitting and not really conversing with anyone, my mom was at least making friends with this woman sitting next to her who she’d heard about before and she works at Rodgers apparently. The other people we were sitting close to were people that she had known really well from a bit before when I was born.

Then everyone arrived and we finally got the main course and I am ready to try the burek, and it’s too hot right away. I can now smell all of the dishes that are delivered to the different tables that we are all sitting at, and they smell awful. I cut a piece of the burek and I see some crumbly cheese. I say “uh oh” because I assume it’s ricotta (I hate ricotta) and my mom tells me it’s not ricotta, but I still don’t trust it because I don’t like crumbly cheese. I try the burek and it’s slimy. That’s what it tasted like. I try and eat two bites of it, and I can’t eat anymore.

My nose is like fully congested, everyone else is eating their food, and all the other people in the restaurant suddenly get even louder and I can’t take it anymore. I think I had started crying earlier when I was still trying to eat the burek, but I said to my mom “I need to go outside.” and I go out the door.

I get to stand by myself outside for about a minute and I get to cry finally, but then one person from the party comes outside and starts talking about how it’s loud and crowded in there, and that it’s nice out here. And that she’s from a family of 5 kids, and she knows about all kinds of mental illness or whatever, and she just keeps talking, and I am just standing there barely looking at her face, and I can’t say anything or respond to her, I just stand there. I was maybe going to say something about the smell, but I couldn’t.

Eventually this couple who are part of the party come outside and they start talking with her, and they talk about their kids and how one of them is struggling in math and she is probably dyslexic and then the first woman says that she is dyslexic and discalcic and they’re talking about the schooling and stuff, and I think for a minute that if they were trying to be welcoming of neurodiversity or something, then they should be more direct about it instead of beating around the damn bush. Because I came outside to have a meltdown by myself. I’m not above crying in front of other people if it comes to it, but I don’t want an audience.

Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and I went inside again and asked my mom for the keys and I went to the car and sobbed pretty loud for a while. I thankfully had some icewater in there which I drank some of because I like ice water.

I did see the couple walk past to their car and I think the wife was looking at me, but I was facing away from the direction that they were walking, so I didn’t see them and I think she might of heard me do a loud sob.

My mom came back with the food wrapped up and the deserts that we wanted. I can’t remember what she said, maybe that she tried getting them to wrap it up as soon as I walked out but they just took forever. We drove back home in silence but with the radio on because she knows I like my radio station.

We got home and i ate maybe half of the chocolate thing I got. It was such a sad slice of flourless cake for $12. The whole meal was expensive too, but I wasn’t even thinking of that. The smell of it all was still in my nose and the taste was still in my mouth (as I’m writing this it’s coming back). The chocolate thing was okay I guess but I could only do half and then I went to my room.

After that tiring ordeal I wish I could just lay down and fall asleep, like how tired I was when I was closing my eyes earlier for my “nap” but of course it takes me forever to fall asleep and then I wake up in the middle of the night too. I was holding my stuffie Critter and it was nice.

In the morning we recounted the events to Gramma and I was still holding my stuffie. My mom kept thinking it was the loudness, but it was primarily the smell that was my problem. And that the two things on the menu that I thought might be edible for me were not edible. I had wrongfully assumed that I was going to get like Chinese chicken dumpling soup and not whatever I got.

My mom said that the woman who worked at Rodgers’ could tell something was going on and that she saw it come over me. Okay. I still had the smell and taste in my mouth, it was so yucky.

And the whole reason I went is so that my mom didn’t have to go by herself. Because my dad is even more picky than I am, and he tried going once like twenty years ago (this birthday dinner happens every year) and he couldn’t eat any of the food, and hated how crowded and loud it got.

So my mom had turned down many of these invites over the years because she knew my dad wasn’t going to go with, and she didn’t want to go by herself because she doesn’t know a lot of the 20+ people who are also invited.

She will at least try different global foods so she can at least eat the food. She said she was kind of thankful that I was there because it gave her an excuse to leave early.

I didn’t do much on Friday, just laid in bed feeling like nothing. We got something safe for dinner so I had mac and cheese bites and a burger & fries, but I really only needed the mac n cheese bites.

On Saturday I got my hair cut finally, because my like sideburn area was getting too long. It was really nice on Saturday (high 70s low 80s with no humidity) so I was feeling better.

I went with my dad to scope out the boat launch area in his hometown because he and his siblings are meeting this Saturday to spread his dad’s ashes in the lake. The public launch had moved since my dad had been there last, but I found the new site. My dad was telling me how he would walk to the pub to shoot pool. And he was saying that his friend Mark lived on this road, and we walked past their house to look at the dam and Mark happened to be outside with his nephews. Apparently Mark’s mom still owned the house. So my dad got some chit chat in and he shared his phone number. Then we drove past my dad’s childhood house, which the new owners had repainted. The elementary school is right there too, and he was gobsmacked that the old slat fencing was replaced with chain link, and he said that he learned how to balance on that fence.

He was also pointing out how he once swam around this island in the lake just to see if he could once when he was a kid. As I’m writing this I can’t possibly imagine him without a beard. I’ve seen pictures of him when his beard and hair were brown, but now his hair is black and his beard is gray. So I had a nice time with him and then later for dinner I made hamburger stroganoff like I like and it was good.

Sunday I went to the renaissance faire with my dad. He was going to go alone because my mom didn’t want to go that week. He goes like every other week. When my mom and dad first got together they would go every weekend both days from open to close but they don’t do that anymore. Their wedding was renaissance themed too, everyone had costumes. So my dad has a lot of lewks to choose from, I just have one gown that my mom got for me.

We had a good time, we saw Dungeons and Shakespear, and then I got to see what was called “The Queen’s Arrival” that came after “Table Setting” and it was actors in dress playing real historical roles explaining what it would be like if Elizabeth visited a noble house in Bristol with the local people preparing, and then the queen arriving, and then some dancing with live music. I liked it a lot, but my dad was getting tired and we were on benches with no backs and he really needs one to support his back. He had been shoveling and hauling yard waste too fiercely the day before so he was also tired from that.

We also went to a couple shops, we looked at pewter mugs because I saw that they advertised puzzle rings there and my dad has a couple. He was showing off his pewter mug that he bought in 1997 from one of the shops. And we saw Felix a couple times, he is a costumer and he knows my parents from back in the day. He made their wedding looks and a lot of my dad’s outfits. My gown is from Felix. We didn’t do a whole lot but I had a good time.

But I was wearing some of my mom’s biker shorts that she told me to wear, and as soon as we started walking around they busted on one of the seams. So my thigh ended up getting this nasty color and the purpose of the shorts was completely shot.

So I worked from home on Monday because my thigh was a gross color and hurt, and also my torso was sore. It hurt when I breathed in deeply with my chest. When I breathed with my stomach it didn’t hurt as bad but sometimes it’s hard to remember to breathe from a different place.

Then Maggie summoned me after I was done with work but she was NOT clear in if I was being picked up by her or taking my own car, so I drove to her house but she still went to pick me up. Apparently she had planned to go to a craft store but I didn’t know what she was planning because she never fucking tells me when she summons me. I am no better because I always agree to whatever it is anyway.

So I got to her house with all of my sewing stuff (because she asked that I bring it) and she decided we weren’t going to do that, we were going to paint miniatures. Which was okay. I painted three little women and it was kind of fun. But her basement can get so cold sometimes, I need like a sweatshirt and socks and gloves. Both of our hands did get really cold. She was getting real philosophical too, probably because she didn’t put on a show or music while we painted.

I had been kind of getting some cramp like feelings, and it definitely felt like I was getting some of The Slime, so after we went to drop off her guitar for repairs and picked up a couple things from the grocery store, I left. I wanted to eat a bunch of mac n cheese from my bed. When I got home I was sure that my panties were going to be covered in blood but I couldn’t tell because they were already red. I washed them and my pants for good measure. I think I was 18 days late.

I went in the office on Tuesday because my coworker had said that he wanted to talk about how to standardize a template for the feature documentation when he was also in office (he is usually there Tuesdays and Wednesdays) so I got myself to finally go in on Tuesday. I think I last went in two weeks ago Tuesday lol. But I was cramping the whole time and it was not fun.

When I got home (I work 5 hours) I had bled all over my panties again (overflowed the pad) so I washed them and the sweatpants I wore just for good measure. I ended up needing to change my pad again pretty soon. Sometimes the beginning of my period I have such a heavy flow I’ve been noticing, but not all the time.

Tuesday after work I just watched a lot of Novympia and then I started writing this. I stopped at dinner time yesterday (decided to skip Junto again) and then I didn’t want to continue after dinner. But I’m cramping a bit still today and bleeding a good amount. I just came back from breakfast with Gramma and Grampa too.

I need to do some weeding along the houses but I couldn’t do it Monday afternoon because my back hurt, and I couldn’t do it yesterday and I can’t do it today because I’m bleeding and cramping so much and also it’s so damn hot today.

Okay, I think that’s the end of my long recap of the week. There are definitely areas where I could go into more detail because there were some things I left out, but I think this is long enough as it is.

Oh! And I bought this awesome book at the faire, it’s called the British History Puzzle Book. It’s got some interesting trivia questions and then some detailed answers in the back. So cool.

• Mood: Cramping
• Listening to: Confessions of a Rotten Girl - SAWTOWNE
• Reading: The British History Puzzle Book
• Watching: Novympia
• Playing: not gaming lately
• Eating: Cinnamon bagel I guess
• Drinking: Mocha Frappechino